I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
