OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
