If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
