ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
tonight lets celebrate not being married
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
