last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
