I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
