Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
