Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
