I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Alive.
So much puke
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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