Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want nice things and good sex
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
