Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
