So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
