she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
