If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
