May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
no you cant smoke seaweed
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is Oprah even human
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