The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
