return my video game
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
