is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
