So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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