Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
