; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
