I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
