Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
