so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
please come you make the beer taste better
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
