If that was your dad, he is hot
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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