You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
