No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
