I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
