fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
