no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
