My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
