Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
