You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
