My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
