Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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