This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
