Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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