Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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