just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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