Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
