Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
