id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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