Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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