so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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