she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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