Umm I'm too high to move.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
