Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
