I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
