how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
