Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
