i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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