Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
