Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
